Indulgence – 半生夢

Listening to the musical notes swirling up into the air, I gradually let the mind indulge in extravagance that the state of mind began suffocating the true reality, and my soul departed from the flesh and blood.

I landed on a side street, watching over the city dwellers bustling in and out every commercial building, protesters marching to fight for their justice, hawkers handing the flyers out for everyday discount sales. The buzz seemed to stifle my breath, and I struggled to turn my head up for a breath of fresh air. “BANG ~ BANG ~ !!!”  An explosion was from the screen wall, and the all numbers, symbols, alphabets, world data and local news supposedly hooking on the screen started to fall apart, and I screamed... 

Time was not enough for me to contemplate why I chose to land there, and a sandstorm just came to blur the view ahead. I fled to the tent. “Had it stopped?” I was curious to peep through the cracks, and amazed to find myself to be dropped onto a desert. In such wilderness, I could only see a young man dying hysterically, for he was only desperate for a mere drip of dew. He had begged the sky, but sometimes, cursed it. He was so crazy to deliberately spoil himself with fascination, imagining himself to produce fluid to feed his thirsty. The scene was the saddest thing since the innocent birth. I could not control myself, but only burst into tears.

I scrubbed the eyes, and found myself in a theatre. I saw the young man again in the movie, but he had actually grown up a lot. He was obsessed with the magnificent of the royal palace that, in the movie, he was visiting. The guests inside were well-dressed, and they seemed to enjoy mingling with each other with a glass of vintage. The young man didn’t feel easy and slipped out to the balcony. He started amalgamating his confused mind accumulated for already several decades. He stumbled...

A groan of lust vaguely uttered from a side room. No one in the banquet actually knew what was happening inside the room. Only the young man knew it very well, even prior to entering into the royal palace. He was frightened, for this could be the most sinful thing that he couldn’t bear.

The music finally ended and the indulgence faded away, but with the remaining years I have to live out. I was puzzled.

BOOZE-UP

It was Saturday, 7:00am ....

The hazy sunshine of the dawn slowly lit yp my bedroom... and my eyes barely opened.... I looked up on the ceiling and asked myself of what had I done yesterday....

"oh... shit.... I got headache..."  a residue of alcoholic smell was suddenly effused from my skin to wake me up....

Regret (but already numerous times before)... I worried of the "aftermath" of the booze-up in the banquet last night...

Switching on the cellphone to check whom I had talked to.... I was startled to find 2 friends were shown on the call list....

Purity of friendship was probably tainted..... and tears suddenly felt into the deepest of my heart....

and silent towards the morning....

It was then Saturday, 8:00am....

CREEPING CHANGES

After 37 hours insane and non-stopping hours of working, I finally got a break... and recent life is pretty leisure...

I've relentlessly retrieved my memory, everything happened in this year, and asked myself of what've I got this year. Work-life imbalance? A new relationship? Deteriorating spiritual life? Or an eye-opening traveling opportunity? I don't even know...so many fragmented episodes are crossing my mind...

Nonetheless, "something-used-to-be" seemed to have changed unnoticeably:

The attendants in the concierge serving our building for more than 15 years were suddenly sacked by a newly appointed property management company.

My father's hair becomes whiter and whiter

My status has changed

... and I want to change job again...

However, one important change I can ascertain is that I really grow up and no longer a kid anymore...

THE DEATH OF SOCIAL MOBILITY...

The knight stood over the beacon, witnessing the merciless slaughter outside the castle wall... He was too frightened to fight and even contemplated to submit his life...

"How many times I was fighting back and forth, but still losing the battlefield to the hardest realities?" He roared with frustration.... but no one could hear him and the slaughter was so imminent that was just next to the moat... He was shivering but still couldn't wait anymore, and even for a minute to attempt "harakiri"....

With the least all he could have, he bravely put on the armor, helmet, and picked up the lance and shield ready to fight against this very last battle..........

He roared again (with tears).............

The epilogue:

"All three (leaders) embody the boundless opportunities their fast-developing societies offered, though each rules during a time when the doors that were opened to them are shutting in the faces of today's youngsters. These current leaders comes from a generation that had a fairly equal staring point; everyone was low-income and there was a level-playing field"..."Now we're getting more class division".

Extracted from an article in Newsweek (Asia edition) published in November 2007, titled "The Death of Social Mobility"

WHISPERING...

Ring... Ring... My cell phone rang....

I picked the call and heard a voice shivering "This may be our last time to talk... " Without have a nice chat, I hired a taxi to rush to the ward and kept praying  for my friend on the way.... "What??? cosmetic surgery??? " I outraged as if my kindness was being abused... "Anyway, take care..." I left and hired another taxi to go back home....

Next day, I amazed at everyone whispering to each other.

"Why she didn't let me know first? Are we still friends, or simply foes?"

"How can she be that?" "Why did she alter what the nature gifted her?"

"I completely disagree with her acts, totally, she just....." "She shouldn't be that, she was just contaminated by the evils...."

I found that my friend had already text everyone to let others know her case... someone even found her inpatient record in the hospital, and promptly shared the "intelligence" among all the others. everyone's radar was switched on.... Whispering seemed to become a debate on morality.

What puzzled me is how can someone disclosed other's confidential record without prior permission, but still appeared to be a "Superman" going to punish the evil acts. Of course, out of curiosity, people swarmed towards the "Superman" (who seemed to have better intelligence due to the privileged access to information) to wait for his plan to "punish the evil, and save the mass." 

What further puzzled me is why everyone should follow the homogeneous way even though  the so-called deviation doesn't hurt even a bug! Why the so-called righteousness would destroy one's individuality.... I am terribly sorry.. this is not righteousness, but feudalism which was totally abandoned by our Great Sun Yat Sen in several decades ago!!! Everyone is an individual who only makes informed decision and well understands the possible consequences. How can we judge an individual?

Anyway, my friend, congratulation!!! Not only you came out from the hospital, but also you've successfully stirred up a fierce forum.... Your ultimate aim is achieved....Everyone is whispering about you... 

Yes, you did it!!! But don't forget "Karma" - "What comes around, goes around."